I found out recently that 3 friends had died. Or strictly, two friends and an aquaintance. It was rather a shock, made worse by some guilt in not seeing them recently.
At some point it will be the last time you ever talk to someone. It might be due to death but it might also be due to the end of a friendship. I rather regret not making more of an effort to stay in touch with these now-deceased friends during and after the recent events. This regret was Coupled with acknowledging that other friends were monopolising my time and attention with constant sleeve-tugging. One only has so much time in the day after all...
How does one decide when that a friendship has ouytstayed its welcome? When the friendship has run its course or worse when the friendship is actually disadvantageous.
This is sometimes tied to a horrifying realisation that it was never a real friendship, or how a friendship should be.
Here's some questions to ask yourself regarding a friendship:
I had a friend who was constantly having 'drama' in her life. I'd known her for many years having once worked together and had always taken her as a reasonable, reliable logical, consistent type. However, recently she seemed more volatile; quick to take offence, always having spats with neighbours or work colleagues. Often calling to rant about the latest atrocity to befall her which seemed Ok at the time as we'd initially bonded over gossiping about work. On the other hand when *I* had an issue and wanted to talk it through or just confide I got the trite 'it will be fine' -usually delivered via a meme gif which was especially galling. Her problems were big, real problems; mine were insignificant. If I mentioned a family problem she'd posit it was a result of some childhood trauma and I needed therapy...she was one of those who liked spouting about various 'syndromes' she'd read about in magazines or worse, online.
Lately she seemed extraordinarily 'sensitive' falling out over some innocuous joke I'd make she's taken deep offence to. Was I in the wrong? No, came the reply; "she sounds like a drama tornado". I then reviewed recent events and then took a longer look and rather like the detective at the end of The Usual Suspects realised it all tied together. She had always been like that but I just hadn't seen it. I'd only got one side of the story, hers, and she'd always seemed the reasonable one. Her drama tornado behaviour was just more noticeable now that I myself had been a target of her ire. I realised that if she'd overreacted so strongly with me, she's probably also with others and that her side of events had most likely always been unreliable as I recounted the list of adversaries; various co-workers, other parents at her kids school, boyfriends, her ex-husband, various medical staff who were apparently all morons who had risked her or her childrens lives...
For some reason she would info dump reams of documents in various other languages (she spoke several languages and moved between countries frequently ) that 'proved' her side in various disputes. Documents I had no hope in understanding. It just went on and on and on. Her kids were healthy and a credit to her but also constantly sick...
At some point I realised she had very few female friends; the type of friends I would expect her to share stories about her children with. She would spam me with not one or two but dozens of photos of her children whenever she went out. The ordinary stress of life had affected her badly over the years. A poor upbringing with neglectful or abusive parenting had led to years of unhealthy relationships. This was unfortunate but it was not my fault nor my responsibility to fix. She wasn't interested in any other point of view but her own. She became insufferable. I put her on notice a couple of times then deleted her from my contact lists.